Children Sermon Illustrations

Children Sermon Illustrations

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Tots are so precocious today they use their parents' mental blocks for toys.—American Mercury

One boy said his father gave him a penny and a pat on the head every day. On his fourteenth birthday he had $47.45 and a Hat head.

When she was five years old, Dlynn Lea knew what toilet water was and where it came from. Her mother and older sister, Dala, had taught her that. But two-year-old Brad didn't know about toilet water, or at least we thought he didn't.

As Dlynn displayed and sprayed her potion of scented and colored toilet water, Brad was conspicuously quiet and absent. Suddenly he entered the scene with a small bottle hall-filled with liquid from a questionable source. Demanding to know from whence it came, his mother trailed him to the bathroom where he pointed to the lavatory and explained, "Mine's real toilet water, Mommy."—M. Dale Baughman

One nice thing about kids is that they don't keep telling you boring stories about the clever things their parents said.—Lyda Fairbanks

A Milwaukee lady was prodding her three-year-old nephew to show a friend of hers how smart he was.

"Tell the lady how old you are," she said.

"I can't," the youngster retorted. "I've got my mittens on."—Doyle k. getter, Milwaukee Journal

Children are a great comfort in your old age . . . they help you get there faster too. —RIB, Beeville, Texas

First-grader Melanie was engaged to marry the young gentleman next door, but the engagement was broken abruptly.

"Why aren't you going to marry Danny?" asked Melanie's mother.

"Well," the child said loftily, "he just isn't ready for marriage yet." And then she added as an afterthought, "Besides that, he scribbled in my coloring book."—Wall Street Journal

Our seven-year-old daughter Dala Dee wanted to be popular with her age-mates. One proof of popularity seemed to be the fre-quency with which the second-grade boys chased her on the playground. On one occasion the chaser became a little rough after the "catch." That night at home Dala complained. I asked why the boy had chased her in the first place. `Well," she explained, "because I pushed him" "And why did you push him?" I inquired. "So he'd chase me," she admitted.—M. Dale Baughman

Sam: "My daddy has a sword of Washington and a hat of Lincoln."

Bill: "My father has an Adam's apple."

My six-year-old daughter, Dlynn Lea, was attending a PTA meeting with us. Listening attentively to the words of the presiding official, she suddenly tensed and became obviously apprehensive. When I asked for an explanation, she reminded me that the speaker had said, "Let's get a second to the motion and then the floor will be thrown open."—M. Dale Baughman

Our miniature dachshund, pet for our daughters aged 10 and 7 and 4-year-old son, disappeared on Christmas day.

Three days later we discovered that he had been delivered to an animal shelter. While driving there with three children to claim him, I suddenly asked, "Suppose the man makes you describe him. How will you do it?"

The seven-year-old answered first, "Well, his nose is cold, for one thing."—M. Dale Baughman

One mile of superhighway looks much like another, and with the restaurant chains using the same floor plan in each establish¬ment, it is hard to remember just where you are. But a family that had breakfast, lunch and dinner in three such turnpike restaurants didn't realize how confused one member was getting. As they walked into the restaurant for dinner—some 500 miles from the one where they had breakfasted—their four-year-old exclaimed in bewilderment, "We're been traveling all day, and here we are again!"—Dorothy DeCampOak Ridge, Tenn. M.

Six-year-old Andrea Halverson of Elm Grove, Wisconsin, went fishing with her dad She came home proudly holding aloft her catch of two.

"This one is a perch," she told her mother, "and this other one is a loud mouth bass."—Doyle K. Getter, Milwaukee Journal

"So the teacher kept you in after school: said the angry father.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, Dad, she just wasn't my type."—Laugh Book

Our evening newspaper is usually tossed, rolled and bound with a rubber band, from a fast moving bicycle in the general direction of the front door.

Our three-year-old son had been bringing it to my favorite chair only to throw it on the floor beside me. This went on and on, until I finally demanded to know why (I should have guessed why) he threw the paper instead of handing it to me.

"Why, daddy," he explained, "that's the way the paper boy does it." Of course.—M. Dale Baughman

A four-year-old was invited to a birthday party. When the question of a gift arose, he said he wanted to take his friend a book.

"What kind of book?" his mother asked.

"One like Daddy reads," he replied. "You know, with a lady on the cover with all her clothes blowed off."—Laugh Book

I was trying to impress my eight-year-old daughter Dala with the importance of desire and perseverance. I quoted to her this thought: "If you don't get what you want, it is a sign either that you did not seriously want it, or that you tried to bargain over the price." "For example: I went on, let's suppose you want to become a good dancer." Dala picked up the moral quickly, "I get it, Daddy: she exclaimed, "if I really want to be a good dancer, I must work hard." That's right," I answered, "or at least that's what I think Rudyard Kipling meant." "Oh, did he say that about getting what you want? I wonder if he got everything he wanted!"—M. Dale Baughman

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